


falling for these favors

by crookedspoon



Series: Harley Quinn Rare Pairs [17]
Category: Harley Quinn (Cartoon 2019)
Genre: Age Difference, Crack Relationships, Extremely Underage, F/M, First Time, Loss of Virginity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:40:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22074883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crookedspoon/pseuds/crookedspoon
Summary: When Batman asks you for a favor, you don't say no. The things she does to earn herself a nemesis of her own.
Relationships: Harleen Quinzel/Damian Wayne
Series: Harley Quinn Rare Pairs [17]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1584019
Comments: 7
Kudos: 49
Collections: crooked dc rare pairs





	falling for these favors

**Author's Note:**

> I blame the show for this. You do not give a speech about choosing your first nemesis wisely, only to then have a 12yo [ask when he can start having sex](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JACT68I-Y5g).
> 
> So, you know. In this show, Damian is even more baby than usual.

They stare at each other from across the room, almost like during a face-off, except that she doesn't want to give him the satisfaction of one. He's not her nemesis, after all, no matter how much he'd tried to rope her into that.

And now his dad has roped her into something else.

 _Well played, kiddo._

She doesn't even know whose idea it was in the first place – Batman's, or the kid's – but at this point, it doesn't matter anymore. What matters is that she was stupid enough to agree.

Sure, she could still back out of the deal, but at the same time, she wants to prove how far she's willing to go in order to earn herself a nemesis all her own. One who is not still on training wheels.

She's drumming her fingers against her crossed arms, expression souring by the minute. While his is brightening with anticipation. This is ridiculous. Couldn't they find someone his own age?

"A'ight," she sighs dramatically and throws up her hands, "let's get this over with."

He perks up and she wishes his excitement were catching. He's almost buzzing with it. For some reason, it makes Harley even more tired. The things she does to become a feared villain.

"I take it your dad told you why you're here," she asks as she walks closer to him.

"To have sex!"

He's clasping his hands and although she can't tell with his white-out lenses hiding his eyes, he's no doubt batting his eyelashes at her in that cutesy way he has. It's infuriating.

Hands on her hips, she stops next to the king-sized bed that Batman had procured for them. It makes her feel pimped out for some reason, even though the profit is mutual and she can call this off any time she likes.

Too bad there's little sense left in that crazy noggin of hers.

"That's right," she says and pokes the runt's forehead. He's even smaller than her, and that's saying something. "Tonight's your lucky night."

He's grinning like he knows it. At least someone's been looking forward to this, and it ain't Harley.

Peering down at this pipsqueak, she realizes she doesn't even know where to start. Which is odd in itself. She's never had to _think_ about having sex before. It just sorta happened. But then again, she's never had to initiate a virgin before.

And some people think that's sexy. Harley can't for the life of her imagine what's so sexy about virgins. At least the kid is just excited about "becoming a man" and not being overly creepy about it. She hates those kinds of virgins.

"So, uh, what do you even _know_ about sex?"

"It's an act during which at least two people stimulate each other's genitals in order to achieve pleasure," he chimes proudly in his kindergartener voice. It's unsettling.

"Which dictionary did you memorize that definition from? Sounds like you have no idea what you're talking about."

"I do!"

"Then why don't you translate that into English."

"That was English!"

"English everyone can understand!"

Ugh, this is already too much for her. Harley needs to sit down. The mattress is bouncy; it makes her want to jump around on it and forget all about this. But at the same time she doesn't want to drag it out any longer than it needs to be.

So what if the kid only had the vaguest notions of sex. He wanted this, otherwise B-man wouldn't have asked her for this favor. Harley groans and lets herself fall backwards to stare angrily at the ceiling. Why couldn't he just have taught the little Robin how to fuck bats, too? Guess he didn't want to share. Figures.

The mattress dips beneath Robin's weight as he crawls on top of it – on top of her! – and blocks out the light from the ceiling.

"What're you doing?" she asks.

"Having sex. You're taking so long." 

"First of all, kiddo," she says and shushes him with a finger to his lips, "never rush your partner." 

For a brief moment, Harley wonders whether she should teach the kid the ropes and walk him through the whole spiel of making a girl feel good – which would benefit her, too, in the end – but then decides that nah, let someone else handle that. It's not what was agreed upon and frankly, Harley ain't in the mood to spend even more time with the kid than necessary.

"And second of all, we're not gonna kiss if that's what you were trying to do here."

The kid has the audacity to pout at her.

"Does making that face ever get you what you want?"

"All the time!" he beams.

Oh great. No wonder he's such a brat. Batman deserves a Father of the Year award.

"Yeah, no. That's not gonna fly with me. Speaking of fly. You might wanna take off your costume."

"It's armor, not a costume."

"Whatever. If you wanna have sex, you gotta take it off, no matter what it's called."

The kid clicks his tongue. _"Fine."_

At least he's climbing off of her. Thank goodness. That angle was decidedly weird and Harley already knows she doesn't want the kid on top of her.

While he's untying his bootlaces, she rummages through the bedside drawers. She finds a used bottle of lube, which she'll need, and a handful of extra large condoms, which they most likely won't be needing, unless the kid is hiding something massive in those tight pants of his.

Harley stops her brain from trying to put the clues together. She doesn't want to think about whether or not this is Bat and Cat's love nest. Or why he would let his son use it.

Unfortunately, there are no other size condoms to be found. The one she's using is a normal size, but she's pretty sure even that one will be too big. You'd think Batman would have prepared his son's first time better. Then again, if he had, he probably would not have chosen Harley to help.

Even Harley thinks she's a bad choice, but she wasn't going to tell B. That is, she did try, but after he came out with the offer of her very own nemesis, she had to bite her lip. She's desperate to prove herself as a villainess and she can't do that if she doesn't get a respected nemesis stat.

Harley kicks off her shoes and her shorts, and uses a dollop of lube to help her get wet. She's not really into this, but she figures it's like appetite. You can eat even when you're not hungry and sometimes appetite sets in while you're eating.

At least she doesn't have to help out the kid. His little dicklet is already standing at attention. He's still in his tunic and gloves but doesn't look like he's going to take them off, too. Which is fine by her. Being completely naked would probably make this even weirder than it already is. She's not going to get rid of her top or her stockings either.

"Lie down," she says.

"But shouldn't I—"

"Nope. Whatever it is you were going to say, forget all about it. Sometimes it's better to let the more experienced person lead you."

The kid nods, a lot more serious than she would have expected of him. "I understand. It's like training where you let your _sensei_ guide you through the forms before attempting to do them on your own."

"Yeah, sure, like that."

He slips onto the bed and lies down on his back. He's grinning at her and his little toes are wiggling eagerly. To be this excited about something again... _Do it for your nemesis, Harley._

She shrugs and rolls a too-big condom onto the kid's erection. It rolls back in on itself when she lets it go. Ugh, she knew this was going to happen. After a bit of tugging and unrolling, the condom hangs over the kid's wet penis like a sad raincoat. Not that Robin seems to care much. He's already writhing and moaning and thrusting up into Harley's fingers, beet-red beneath his forest green mask.

At least this isn't gonna take long. Maybe Harley should have clarified what Batman wanted her to do when he said 'sex.' She wonders if she could get away with giving the kid a handjob and leaving it at that.

Then again, she's in no mood to put herself through all of this again, should it not be enough. So she sucks it up, shucks off her panties, and clambers on top of the kid.

Robin's eyes widen and for once he's looking properly worshipful that Harley might let all of his previous behavior slide.

"Ready?"

He nods jerkily and his hands grip her thighs.

Balancing herself above his penis, she holds the condom in place with her hand around the base and slowly guides him inside of her. His spine arches and his mouth opens and closes around a whine as he sinks in easily.

It takes no time at all for her to bottom out, and it's a little disappointing. He doesn't fill her much more than two of her own fingers, but well, she's learned to make do. She rolls her hips, grinding them against Robin's, which makes him cry out.

At least it's not gonna take long, from the sounds of it. Although now that she's feeling him rubbing against her, she wouldn't mind seeing this through to the climax. Her climax, that is. The kid doesn't seem to be far from his.

He's grabbing Harley's hips, moaning open-mouthed and attempting to rut into her. She continues to rotate her hips, savoring his hardness for as long as she can.

Which ain't long at all. The next time she grinds down on him, his whole body spasms and his dick pulses hot inside her.

Well, crap. He didn't just come inside her, did he? 

She pulls off. Fucking condom just vanished. That just had to happen, didn't it? She's pretty sure she's sterile, but she wanted to avoid having to deal with this kind of mess. Ugh. Figures. This was a mess from beginning to end.

Robin is still trembling, head pressed back against the pillow, groaning in the aftershock. Harley doesn't think anything more is required of her and vanishes into the adjacent bathroom to fish out that damn condom.

Luckily it didn't make it far. Still, yuck. She pops it into the trash, washes her hands, and has a nice little tinkle before washing her hands again and soaking a washcloth in warm water.

She's just cleaning her snatch when the little Robin enters. She throws him an unamused stare, which he ignores in favor of walking straight toward her. 

Hugging her, he presses his face between her boobs as if rubbing it against them. He's smiling when he looks up and it's only a little creepy.

"I'm a man now, thanks to you!" he says in a voice that's decidedly unmanly still.

"Ugh, yeah, don't mention it."

"Next time, I'll be on top!" He grins.

"Don't get attached, kiddo." She extricates one of her arms to pinch his cheek. "There'll be no next time."

"You'll see. Father says women are just playing hard to get and that you have to pursue them to prove that you are worthy of them."

"Yeah, tell your dad that sometimes women are not even available in the first place," she says and tugs some more at his cheek. "Not everyone enjoys a game of cat and mouse like Catwoman does. Besides, your dad and I agreed this would be a one-time thing. You can now go and find girls your own age. Or boys, or whatever."

"Okay," Robin says, visibly deflated.

Apparently this was not the answer he'd expected. Never mind, he'll come around. He just had sex for the first time. Naturally his brain is still addled. Once he comes down from that, he'll no longer want to get into Harley's pants. Or so she hopes. He no longer wants to be her nemesis, so that's one point in favor of this assumption.

Speaking of nemesis.

"Also tell your dad to give Mulletwing my number. I have heists to plan and citizens to terrorize if he's not fast enough to stop me."

Robin makes a face. "I'm faster than he is."

"I bet you are, kiddo." Harley grins and pokes the boy's pouty cheek. "I got first-hand experience now, remember?"

"You're mocking me!" Robin slaps her hand away indignantly, as though she had betrayed his trust or something.

"Just teasing you a bit," she says and ruffles his hair. "Don't take it personally."

"How else am I supposed to take it?"

"Dunno. You're a man now, right? You figure it out." Harley smooches the kid's forehead loudly. "Gotta dash now. Get ready for my first run-in with my nemesis."

Harley can't remember the last time she's been this excited. Maybe when Frankie Muniz got that restraining order against her. But this is so many times better than that. Her own nemesis! Mulletwing may be a step below Batman, but he's a huge step up from Robin. That should be enough for now, until she makes a name for herself.

Then the superheroes will flock to her, each vying to become her new nemesis, and Harley will be able to choose freely. Without trading in any favors.


End file.
